Grief and Loss

On Your 5th Birthday…

Five years is a long time. You can start and finish elementary school in five years, buy and pay off a car, start college and end with a Masters degree. Five years of missing your child is long too. It’s a lot of rotating cycles of anger, denial, rage, thankfulness, deep sorrow, numbness, pain, jealousy,… Continue reading On Your 5th Birthday…

Grief and Loss

Heaven Days & Holidays 

On this day many years ago, another mama’s boy flew from her protective, caring, ever-loving hands of earth into the eternal unknown. He was gone from This earth and though it was foretold he would rise again, I imagine his mother had just as much trouble saying goodbye, after all, nobody else had ever risen… Continue reading Heaven Days & Holidays 

Rainbow Baby

Struggling with Sufficient Grace

I haven’t written in a while. Some days I didnt know what to say, others, I didn’t really think what I had to say mattered, and yet others I knew I wanted to say something but how to put it on paper eluded me. And sometimes, sitting with a pen in hand and paper before… Continue reading Struggling with Sufficient Grace

Grief and Loss

Tired

I am tired. Really, really, really tired. I know most reading this can relate to that statement. The kind of 3 word sentence that says it all, requires no further explanation and is usually followed by a deep sigh of exhaustion. You feel it physically. You feel it emotionally. You feel it relationally. You feel… Continue reading Tired

Grief and Loss

Three Tidal Waves 

Three Years too long… I sit here with an aching, bleeding, broken heart just as I did three years ago.  The pain is fresh. The disbelief once again resurfaces and surrounds me.  How could a baby, a perfect little baby… healthy, strong, kicking… fine for 7 1/2 months…suddenly… die? It doesn’t make sense.  I can’t… Continue reading Three Tidal Waves 

Grief and Loss

Kickboxing Christmas

Kickboxing the Christmas tree. Ya… that’s what I contemplated doing last year.  I was mad as all get out that my son wasn’t here.  He should have been. I felt shattered and angry. I felt like a freaking hot mess that had been that way for a year and a half and I wanted to… Continue reading Kickboxing Christmas

Grief and Loss · Life after Loss

Going Forward

Today it dawned on me… I can’t stay in the past, although parts of me SO wish that I could stay there forever, in those moments of experiencing him. I am realizing life moves on and if I don’t move, albeit slowly, with it, i’m going to miss the life that I have left after… Continue reading Going Forward

Grief and Loss

The Bereaved Mother

The bereaved mother stands…as she sinks The bereaved mother smiles….as her heart breaks The bereaved mother loves…to a depth beyond what is known to  others The bereaved mother steps forward , even when shes not sure how…as the world watches her limp on by The bereaved mother’s heart is broken…yet it is full The bereaved… Continue reading The Bereaved Mother

Grief and Loss

Shattered

There I lay… Shattered. A million pieces on a cold cement floor. Moments passed. Then hours. Days came and went. Months droned on. And there I lay, not sure what to do next. How do you put a million pieces back together? You can’t. But God can. What I’ve been learning though, is that He… Continue reading Shattered