Dear Newly Bereaved Mama…
I am one of the few who can say “I’ve been there”… And mean it.
I am one of the few who can say “I understand what you’re going through”… And mean it.
I am one who won’t ask you “how are you doing?” Because I know the flurry of answers in your head at the sound of those words… And none of them are “good”, “great” or “excellent”.
I know that “OK” is so much more than those letters put together. It’s wanting to scream at the world that “I am NOT OK and that answer should be OK to you!” It is wanting to say that “OK” is the closest thing to “good” you can get out because your throat closes up when you try to answer that.
I know this sucks.
I know this was Not what you had planned
I know how t feels to be a bereaved mama that nobody understands. And few people try to.
I know now how it feels to be lost and confused and in such pain that you can’t cover it up anymore… And still to try to function in life.
I know what it feels to be broken…so broken.
I know how hard it is to hear songs from your sweet one’s memorial service. Or how hard it s to walk past the baby aisle at Target. Or to look away from those sweet holiday dresses and suits… Because you don’t need one , not anymore.
I know now how hard it is to have shattered plans and dreams and hearts…and ask “how can it get worse than this?!?”
i know the feeling you have as you watch friends and family who were “supposed” to be there for you… Walk away.
I know what it feels like to have your marriage crumble because neither of you knows ‘how to do this’.
I know how hard it is to see a pregnant belly walk by.
I know how heart wrenching it is to see a tiny one in a car seat. To see the smiles on the parent’s faces…
I know it’s impossible to look at the swings and car seat and boxes of tiny clothes that now sit unused and perfectly prepped in your garage or basement.
I know the guilt and pain you feel over the “what-if’s” and “should-have’s”… And I know people tell you not to feel those things… But they come. So let them come.
I know the dread of holidays and birthday parties, pregnancy announcements and baby showers. I know the dissapointment in myself and others of always being late or never being consistent and hardly ever showing up.
I know grief is hard, hard work.
I know that sometimes just being awake and feeding yourself is the only accomplishment for that day. You need to be proud of yourself for that. No matter what.
I know how awful you feel about seeming to disappoint everyone around you. (It isn’t as bad as it seems dear mama.)
I know feeling confused and angry and frustrated at everything.
I know that counseling or medications don’t always help like ‘they’ say it will.
I know that talking to others who had walked his road before did helped more.
i know this is your journey, and only yours.
I know the frustration of everyone wanting me to be “fixed” suddenly. Don’t they know brokenness needs time to rebuild?
I know the deep knife that sits grinding your shattered heart into more and more pieces as we try to muddle through life .
i know you’re trying.
And I want you to know this…
YOU, yes YOU, are doing this “grief thing” awesome.
YOU are Good Enough.
YOU are Strong.
YOU are fighting an impossible to describe uphill battle… And you are doing it Well.
YOU are still a mama. No.Matter.What.
YOU are allowed to feel all those emotions you feel.
YOU are doing “this”
YOU are in God’s hands and plans through this.
YOU are Amazing.
YOU’RE baby means something in this world.
YOU are fighting battles many would cower at the sight of.
YOU are brave.
YOU are allowed to fail at your own or others expectations… And you do not need to feel guilty about it. If they don’t understand, it’s on them. They haven’t lost their child. You have.
YOU are the mama of an amazing little boy or girl whose earthly story was shortened.
YOU are allowed to be weak. It is oftentimes in your weakness that You can find true strength.
YOU are brave whether you feel like it or not.
YOU are YOU… And YOU is enough…
YOU are loved dear mama, press on. This fight is worth it.
A fellow bereaved mama