Grief and Loss

Just Be Held

 
You know that moment when you hear a song come on the radio and soon find yourself face slammed squarely into the dirt, and you come up sputtering to find the air that has so quickly excaped from your lungs? Well, this hit me exactly where I needed to be hit, apparently.

Listed below are excerpts from the song

 Just Be Held– written & sung by Casting Crowns.

Hold it all together

Everybody needs you strong

But life hits you out of nowhere

And barely leaves you holding on
And when youre tired of fighting

Chained by your control

There’s freedom in surrender

Lay it down and let it go
So when youre on your knees and answers seem so far away

You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place

I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held
If your eyes are on the storm

You’ll wonder if I love you still

But if your eyes are on the cross

You’ll know I always have and I always will
And not a tear is wasted

In time, you’ll understand

Im painting beauty with the ashes

Your life is in My hands
Lift your hands, lift your eyes

In the storm is where you’ll find Me

And where you are, I’ll hold your heart



These lyrics just hit exactly where I needed them to.

“Hold it all together

Everybody needs you strong

But life hits you out of nowhere

And barely leaves you holding on

And when youre tired of fighting

Chained by your control

Theres freedom in surrender

Lay it down and let it go”

So often, I do have to hold it all together. I have to be strong. I have to smile when I want to cry. I put on my “tough” mask and I get through… because I have to.  This is life- holding it together in the hard.

I have been hit out of nowhere. We all have.  Child loss does that to you.  Whether you knew ahead of time or didn’t know- your child is still not here with you today. Their death hit you out of nowhere beyond anything you could (or should have to) imagine.  And so often, I am barely holding on. Some moments, I’m hanging off a cliff with only a few fingers barely holding on and a gaping ravine a thousand feet below me…and I don’t even know if you want to keep trying to hold on. I get so tired.

“I just can’t do this” I say.

And you surrender… you let go, certain you will fall to your death.

And, oddly, you find that it is in that surrender you can let go from that cliff- and you don’t fall- instead, you find yourself held.

Held in the hand of God. Caught. Safe. Rescued.

Just be held”.

Isaiah 41:13
“For I hold you by your right hand–I, the LORD your God. And I say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.”

So often I do feel like I have to- not only- hold myself together, but also need to hold my family together, my life, sometimes even other peoples’ lives…everything.

And yet so often, these days, I can feel my clutch slipping as I try to hold them all together simultaneously.

And I need to know what to do in those ‘hands slipping’ moments…”Lay it down and let it go”…” You’re not alone, lay it down and just be held”…

Lay it down, let it go, be held. 

It seems so simple. And yet so often impossible in those moments.

Sometimes I don’t know how to lay it down or let go. Sometimes I don’t know how to allow myself to be held by the Creator of all…

Why me? Why does He want to hold me?

Because he loves me. Because He loves me enough to have made me. He loves me enough to go through even this so He can teach me how to be held…how to let go and lean into Him, rather than leaning onto myself. I need to let Him hold me, hold my problems, hold it all- rather than doing the holding on my own.

I need to learn to just be held.

In the storm is where you’ll find me. And where you are, I’ll hold your heart”.

This storm… It’s intense, it’s unbelievably awful in some moments, it’s not what we wanted, it feels like we are going to be destroyed… And yet- that is where He is. God with us amidst the hardest waves, the longest nights, the strongest winds. God with us- holding on to us. Holding on to our hearts.

He is in the storm with you. With me.

He’s not watching from above, laughing or mocking our responses… He is with us. Beside us. Holding us. He is in the deep dirt and sticky muck with us, holding us and helping guide us through.

So, dear mama….Just be Held.




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