Grief and Loss

D’un beau affreux

“D’un beau affreux”.

It means the “ugly-beautiful” in French.

Two opposite words, meshed into the same sentence. How? It makes no sense…

“That which is perceived as ugly, transfigures into beautiful….”- Ann Voskamp (One Thousand Gifts).

What if… Our ugly – our grief, our child loss, our suffering, our agonizing pain- What if our “ugly” could actually become something of true beauty?

It doesn’t seem possible.

But… what if??

“The dark can give birth to life; suffering can deliver grace”. – Ann Voskamp

Our suffering, this burden we carry all hours of the day and night for the rest of our lives… This could somehow bring grace and beauty?

It doesn’t seem possible.

But again… What if??

What if God allows this ugly, in order to bring us beauty?

What if He allows this to teach us and grow us into a more beautiful version of ourselves than we ever could have been, or would have been without this.

What if this was the only way? Would you take the ugly if it meant beauty?

It’s not a decision that anyone could make lightly. Many of us might want to select just skipping the ugly and staying where we were. In many moments, this is me.

But what if you’re the one who says “I’ll take the ugly if it can truly bring beauty”. Truth be told, at my deepest core, that is who I am.

You are who I am speaking to. Because you are me, and so I am you.

If I didn’t lose my son (the ugly), then I’d have never known his kicks within me, if have never seen his sweet face, held his little body, or known how beautiful a child born still could be. How catching. How engrained into my heart so deeply my son, though no longer alive, could be. Without the ugly, I’d have never known the beautiful.

I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t say I never wish he had existed. Because my loss of him, has brought great beauty in life, in legacy, in my purpose in Christ.

Out of the broken, is coming the beautiful.

What if  God allows the ugly to bring us to a place where we can surrender to Him, so He can allow us to become beautiful in Him. So we can reach a place in Him that we wouldn’t have dared to even think about before this perceived “ugly”.

And even more, what if the “ugly” is only our perception and not Gods reality? What if He sees the “ugly” in its true form, and it is actually beauty? And what if He allows it, so that we can grow to see this “ugly” through His eyes instead of our own? What if we remember that He can see the end of this story, and I cannot?

What if this ugly is actually bringing us closer to sanctification in Christ? defines sanctification  as: Sanctification, or in its verbal form, sanctify, literally means “to set apart” for special use or purpose, that is, to make holy or sacred. Therefore, sanctification refers to the state or process of being set apart, i.e. made holy. 

What if …God is using your child’s life and subsequent death in order to set you apart and make you more like Him? What if this is a part of your God-designed story?

I start to see D’un beau affreux. I start to see the connection of these two (seemingly) opposite words.

Because of the ugly, holiness and beauty can come. Without the ugly, we couldn’t reach this place of closeness to God where sanctification is not only possible, but plausible.

What if suffering can lead to true grace, true beauty, true sanctication?

What if…

To me, it’s worth the risk and effort and altered perception of it has a chance at bringing me to a closer, a better place with the One who both created and saved me.

To me, the what if  is worth it.

What about you?

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