Grief and Loss

Little Bits of Heaven

I was at the cemetery not long ago. Not the one my son is buried in but a bigger on in the town next to me. I went hoping to find ideas for how we should or could design his stone- a responsibility that’s been getting to me lately, but one that I feel must be exactly right, As this is the last thing I can really do for him and his memory.

And so, I was the creepy woman walking around looking at gravestones. Stopping to take a moment to pray as I passed by little baby monuments. I Prayed for their families, for the hard, for blessings this Christmas.

Nothing seemed to catch my eye really, as far as ideas for my sons gravestone…and I was about to head home when I thought of visiting the gravesite of a friend’s daughter. She’s provided me with mentoring and counseling recently and has been down this road of stillbirth a decade ago. I went to see her daughters spot, and it was beautiful. I sat and talked with her, telling her what an impact her mommy is making because of her. Telling her how thankful I am for her, because it made her mommy who she is now- someone who can help me though this. And I told her I hoped she knew Philip and I hoped they’d play together. Tears came unexpectedly and flooded from the bottom of my heart out of both saddness and of gratefulness for how this little girl’s mother has used her life and legacy for good. Emotion flooded me, as did tears. In that moment I saw a piece of this little babies life purpose here on earth- and it humbles me to the point of tears just thinking maybe someday my Philip could do the same.

I stood up  to walk away when I looked a few spots down and saw a beautiful engraving of Jesus holding a baby in his arms. It was a simplified version of sketch that I adore. A sketch that has brought me much comfort and peace In these last months. I thanked God for allowing me to see this image, just a little sign from above that He’s joking my Philip… and proceeded to walk away.

But then, I saw the date on this little ones stone – April 20th. The same as my Philip. And I knew that it was a Divine moment -me standing here- looking for ideas for Philips stone, seeing this image, and knowing that another mamas heart broke on that same date 11 years before. I took a photo and went home to tell my husband about this. I showed him the photo, and he knew the family that had endured this. The older sisters went to high school with them. He remembered this baby- also born still.

And I am even more amazed at the thin threads that God uses to weave our lives together. My friend had told me that when they were picking out her daughters grave spot that a mama of a baby also born still had introduced herself at the water spout. Little did my friend know that her baby girl would be buried just a few spots down from this mama’s girl- and that 11 years later I’d stroll by both spots and find inspiration for my stillborn son’s remembrance. And that these three mamas who all had babies born still- would know each other through such thin threads.

That’s the amazing part about how God works. Always through the thinnest of threads does he show His connection to each and every person and event in life.

We only have to look for it.

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