Grief and Loss


“You’ll be fine.”

” Just keep taking one step at a time.”

 “You’re doing great.”

” Just keep going.”

We’ve all heard them, these false pretenses of encouragement.These “clichés” that are supposed to make you feel better about the big giant face of a dragon( also known as a future) that daily stares you in the face. 

It feels as if you’re standing there, on a ledge, high above the earth below, trying to balance it all. And then, in a moment, rocks start being thrown at you. Rocks that sting as they hit your skin. Their sharp edges leave you bleeding & hurt. They can beat you down, kill your spirit, nearly destroy you. A few well-aimed chunks of earth can knock you off this tedious ledge, and into the unknown chasm below. 

You stand there, beaten down and bruised and bleeding… And it feels as if nobody sees your pain. They don’t see the blood and tears and strength it takes to keep standing, and not crumple to the ground when that’s all you desire to do. 

Sometimes, to be honest, you wish that cliff would come loose under your feet and make the decision to fall down, down,down for you. You wish the land would give and you could give in to giving up.


Because it’s easier than surviving in this. 

Surviving in a world where you are surrounded by those who thrive. And who don’t even see how much they are thriving. You watch those around you miss their good that surrounds them-

And it kills you inside.

It’s these people that, when they do see you struggle, offer sentimental words similar to the ones above…

“You’ll be fine.”

” Just keep taking one step at a time.”

 “You’re doing great.”

” Just keep going.”

Words that are supposed to bring encouragement, healing, perhaps even hope- 

Remain empty. 

So, dear mama, hear me when I say this… You are not wrong in finding no comfort in these phrases that come from people who don’t have a part of their heart in heaven. 

Yes, they may be true, you will eventually survive this. You’ve made it through 100% of the hard this far, and somehow, you’ll make it through today.

But it’s OK to be a little bit bitter when you hear them from mouths that don’t know the depth of pain a heart can hold. That your heart can hold. 

They don’t know how overwhelming it is to simply survive today.

To go grocery shopping.

To fight the triggers that meet you at every corner of life. 

To keep standing when all you want to do is collapse.

They don’t know the power it takes to love a child you can no longer hold in the crook of your arm, whose skin you can no longer caress warmly, and the dreams of them you’ve had to give up.

They just don’t know. Honestly, most don’t try to know. It’s a scary thought, having a child beneath the ground. It’sa thought   nobody wants to approach, let alone a reality. 

And dear mama, you are that nightmare, revealed in real life. You live  that nightmare day in and day out- for the rest of your life. 

Simply processing that makes my throat close up and my chest tighten. 

Yet… We live it. 

We live these overwhelming lives today and everyday. Lives that won’t ever return to the “normal”we used to know. Lives that aren’t really sure what the “new normal” future holds. 

And it’s overwhelming. Just living is overwhelming…

And then the rocks come…

Job loss

Marriage trouble,

Another miscarriage, stillbirth, child loss,

Quick words from those who don’t understand,

Financial troubles,

Lost friends,

Big life decisions…

The list could go on…

And they nearly knock you off the cliff you’re barely standing on. 

You’re overwhelmed.  Beyond overwhelmed… 

So, where do you go for help? Where do you find refuge? 

You find your hope and your help in Christ. You give your “overwhelmed” over and let Him take it. You rest in the safe refuge of Grace… and you finally sleep. And He whispers into your dreams these words: 

“You’ll be fine.”

” Just keep taking one step at a time.”

 “You’re doing great.”

” Just keep going.”
“I’ll help you.”

And you finally believe it. 

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