Grief and Loss

Grief Anniversaries

The black capped chickadee’s two toned call. Robins littering my front yard as the snow finishes melting off. Sunny Saturday’s of pushing my little boy on the swing set. For me, these are moments and days where my heart again aches so deeply for the little boy who calls heaven “home”, rather than my arms. … Continue reading Grief Anniversaries

Grief and Loss

Tick-Tock

Sometimes I wonder if the time warp that began nearly a year and a half ago will ever stop… Or at least slow down so I have a chance to try to catch up. The moment we heard those words, our clocks stopped, all while the world kept ticking by. Days, weeks, months… Then suddenly… Continue reading Tick-Tock

Grief and Loss

Time Marches By

A year and a half. Time has marched on by for 18 months. Like army troops on a mission, nothing can stop it.  My other children have played in a cemetery as their “park” for a year and a half. They have greeted their brother with a hug to a sign or a stone for… Continue reading Time Marches By

Grief and Loss

Raindrops and Rainbows – Part 2

Pregnant.  It’s a word so incredibly scary after you’ve walked a road like ours. It means that history could repeat itself- and that fact- is completely, utterly frightening.  Our heaven-born babes are such treasures. They are part of us, part of our lives and always will be. There is no erasing them, no taking them,… Continue reading Raindrops and Rainbows – Part 2

Grief and Loss

Raindrops and Rainbows- Part One

It’s been a whirlwind of a few months.  I’ve spent a good part of those months wanting to write but having no idea what… Or really how.  You see, we got another shot at a new life. We found out we were pregnant. Some of you will want to stop reading now. But I ask… Continue reading Raindrops and Rainbows- Part One

Grief and Loss

The Gift

It was one of my “good days”. I decided that I would be able to go to church that morning (which is, for me, a big trigger after my son’s funeral was held there…) after being out of town the past few weeks. It was hard, but on that day, it was “do-able”.  We drove… Continue reading The Gift

Grief and Loss · Holidays

Empty Due Date

It’s been a bit since I’ve written… I suppose you could say that the aftermath of his first birthday took all I had just to survive this far. It’s a new level and a new wave of grief…. that’s for sure. And one day if I find how, I’ll try to explain it, but for… Continue reading Empty Due Date

Becoming a Godly Woman · Grief and Loss

What if…?

What if this post-loss ‘new normal’ is the place where God has been trying to get me, developing me for, preening me to live? What if the ‘new normal’ is really the age-old ‘normal’ that Providence has had for me for centuries?  “For we are Gods masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus,… Continue reading What if…?

Grief and Loss

Overwhelmed

“You’ll be fine.” ” Just keep taking one step at a time.”  “You’re doing great.” ” Just keep going.” We’ve all heard them, these false pretenses of encouragement.These “clichés” that are supposed to make you feel better about the big giant face of a dragon( also known as a future) that daily stares you in… Continue reading Overwhelmed

Grief and Loss · Holidays

One Year

   One year ago my beautifully handsome, strong, perfect son was in my arms. His tiny fingers curled around mine. His baby-soft wavy hair brushed my cheek when I kissed his head. His tiny body rested in my arms.A year ago I became a mama again… but this time to a baby I couldn’t take… Continue reading One Year