Grief and Loss

Overwhelmed

“You’ll be fine.” ” Just keep taking one step at a time.”  “You’re doing great.” ” Just keep going.” We’ve all heard them, these false pretenses of encouragement.These “clichés” that are supposed to make you feel better about the big giant face of a dragon( also known as a future) that daily stares you in… Continue reading Overwhelmed

Grief and Loss · Holidays

One Year

   One year ago my beautifully handsome, strong, perfect son was in my arms. His tiny fingers curled around mine. His baby-soft wavy hair brushed my cheek when I kissed his head. His tiny body rested in my arms.A year ago I became a mama again… but this time to a baby I couldn’t take… Continue reading One Year

Grief and Loss

365 days…

It was a year ago we heard the words that changed our lives forever. “I’m looking right at his heart and it isn’t moving” How do you even respond to this… to a doctor sitting on the bottom edge of your bed, your bare round belly exposed to the cold, harsh hospital air, and your husband sitting… Continue reading 365 days…

Grief and Loss

Waves

They say it comes in “waves” this grief.  And ‘they’ seem to be correct in this, except for when I think of ‘waves’,  I think of rolling hills of water, some bigger, some smaller…. Grief seems more like a tidal wave some days, a hot spring the next, and then a waterfall that appears out… Continue reading Waves

Grief and Loss

The Ripple Effect

A pebble tossed in a lake may go in with a splash or it may enter silently. But it always, always leaves a ripple. A ripple that starts where it lands and ends only at the outer banks of the water body.  Grief is a lot like that.  Rippling, silently throughout our life. People notice… Continue reading The Ripple Effect

Grief and Loss

Toothpicks to treasure

   It was a simple fruit tray with toothpicks sitting beside it. Pretty common practice in modern-day American meeting spaces. Nothing “special” about it. Nothing out of the ordinary.  But in some moments, God shows you how something so ordinary can become extraordinary.   I saw treasures in those little cups beside the fruit tray. Little… Continue reading Toothpicks to treasure

Grief and Loss

Carved

   Perfectly perfect. Wonderfully detailed. Agonizingly painful. Speechlessly saddening.  The lump in my throat came back. The healing stitches of my heart split wide open again and pain flowed endlessly out again.  Overwhelming pain engulfed me like a wave in the sea.  Questions again filled my mind as to how this all happened? How did… Continue reading Carved

Becoming a Godly Woman

Unashamed

I was two years old when I stood up in the back of a church sanctuary, on a pew and hollered out “amen!” In a way that only a toddler can. As the story goes, The pastor stopped his sermon, the sanctuary grew quiet, and all was still with a little tiny 2 foot tall… Continue reading Unashamed

Grief and Loss

Time Warp

   Eleven. Eleven months since I held him in my arms. Eleven months since the sight of him took my breath away. Eleven months and a day since our lives were “fine”, “happy”, “normal”, and we were preparing new for a healthy baby boy. Oh, How one day can change it all… It baffles me… Continue reading Time Warp

Becoming a Godly Woman · Grief and Loss

Chicken Nuggets & Hot Dogs

Everyone’s heard that we go through different “phases of life”… Right? But what about the phases where you’re running your fastest, working your hardest, doing your best (and then some) juggling emotions (mine, his, theirs…) and clocks and grocery shopping and laundry and cleaning and maybe even working in the big wide world… And your… Continue reading Chicken Nuggets & Hot Dogs